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Welcome to Jeroensjourney 2!
Dear reader, Beste lezer,
 
Welcome to the weblog that follows on jeroensjourney.punt.nl. Here I will update you on my experiences in Thailand and India, and my personal inner or spiritual journey. After my healing journey described on jeroensjourney.punt.nl (with also information about Buddhism, meditation, Taoism and other healing practices), this weblog, from early 2007, relates about further healing and spiritual growth for an increasingly happy and true life.
 
With love from Asia,
 
Jeroen Deva Geetesh (jeroensjourney@gmail.com)
(I check this e-mail not very often, so let me know, on my blog, that you sent me an e-mail)
 
P.S.:
Je reactie is van harte welkom!     
Reactions are very welcome!
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Purpose, direction, new steps in life
 
14 November 2010
 
“Without a deep sense of purpose to direct your daily life, you will be directed by externals – financial need, your children’s needs, your lover’s needs – and you will begin to blame them for your lack of fulfillment. You will feel trapped in obligations, and your resentment will show.” 
David Deida, Blue Truth, page 121.
 
“When you have the courage to listen to your calling, all of life opens itself for you. When you follow your bliss – that which touches you deeply inside – doors open for you. If you do not listen to this calling, because you want to stay in your safe environment, life often dries out.”
Joseph Campbell. Quote in Verlicht Leven (Enlightened Living), Tijn Touber, page 17
 
Dear reader,
 
In the summer of 2005 the end of my relationship triggered a deep crisis which later turned out to be the start of my healing and awakening process: A process of healing inner (childhood) wounds and a process of searching for truth. My truth.

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Tao Te Ching verse 74:

"At birth a person is soft and yielding,
at death stiff and hard.

All beings, the grass, the trees: alive, soft, and yielding;
dead, stiff, and hard.

Therefore the hard and inflexible are friends of death.
The soft and yielding are friends of life.

An unyielding army is destroyed.
An unbending tree breaks.

The hard must humble itself or be otherwise humbled.
The soft will ultimately ascend."

So interesting to read this verse again. For most wisdom and real understanding of life and our true nature we only need to look at nature as the Taoists so deeply did.
Jut reading this it strikes me again how our whole society focuses on how to become harder and tougher. Train, resist, develop will power, learn to fight, compete, work hard..... And yes, many, many break, just to be fixed again to continue with the same insanity.

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Meditation and awakening
 
Dear reader,  
 
Reading Jed McKenna giving out on spiritual bullshit and love and happiness fairytales, I started wondering myself. Did I somewhere get caught in the web of Maya, in the sweet slumber of the spiritual supermarket rather than being on a true path of growth and awakening? Almost all of what McKenna writes makes total sense to me. But then he talks in one sentence about incense, mantras and meditation as part of that New Age illusionary world of love and compassion. But actually, I do get what he means. Yes, mantras are just there to bring you in a trance, not to get any closer to awakening. Incense is just nice decoration and, indeed, meditation can be an escape from reality rather than diving into it. But at the same time meditation can be a tool to train observing, a tool which is very useful when you are observing the tricks of the ego.
 
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Growing up, breaking free, born again 
 
Dear reader, 
 
Of course I have been reading Jed McKenna’s book wondering where I am on the spiritual path and whether I am truly on a path of awakening, rather than a spiritual keeping the status quo stroll. Was my emotional and psychological breakdown of 5 years ago comparable with Lisa’s (a person in Jed’s book) and am I firmly underway to Human Adulthood? The last part I read in Jed’s book shows me that at least to some extent, the latter is true, that I am not selling you some pretty spiritual bullshit to decorate my ego but am actually truly involved in peeling of the many layers of ego and illusion.
 
Let’s look into this in more detail. It is about growing up, about breaking free from the bondage of parental beliefs and conditioning. About living your own authentic life instead of following the programming your parents put into your head.

 
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My ego, my fear, my duty
 
“In an eyes-closed being (JDG: unenlightened being), everything flows from fear; good and bad, courage and cowardice, love and hate, all flow from the same well.”  

Jed McKenna, Spiritual Warfare, page 240/241
 
Dear reader,  
 
After a nice day of playing tennis and going to some of the concerts in the festival in town, I had a good sleep but woke up very early. Tensions in my legs and worry about the Mexico project kept me awake for at least an hour, long before I intended to get up. So, in short, I got confronted with where I really am: I might be very inspired by all the enlightenment stuff of Jed McKenna but am very clearly still one of millions of ego-clad beings. And the key difference is fear.

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Doing only what you like
 
“I don’t remember what it means to work, to toil, to do something unpleasant. I don’t distinguish between work and non-work, weekday and weekend. I don’t take holidays off or go on vacations. I probably spend, on average, four hours a day working, but I don’t think of it as work any more than I think of walking the dog as play or shopping for lunch as a chore.”  
 
“The idea of doing something I don’t feel like doing is almost absurd to me. If something needs doing, there will come a time when I feel like doing it. If that time doesn’t come, it doesn’t get done and didn’t need doing. “  
 
“I have no schedules appointments or set hours. I have no concept of duty or obligation, or responsibility.”  
 
Jed McKenna, Spiritual Warfare, page 83/84.
 
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Big Brother

Too late for a full blog. I leave it at a quote to mull over:
 
"The reign of Big Brother is so firmly established that no alternative exists in the minds of men. The very concept of freedom has been so thoroughly abolished, is so absent from our collective worldview, that it is, literally, unthinkable. There is no possibility of human development in practice because it does not even exist in theory."

"There is no interest in freedom; it's all been channeled safely into non-threatening, ego-gratifying avenues; career and family, religion and spirituality, hobbies and addictions."

Jed McKenna, Spiritual Warfare, page 169
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16 July 2010
 
Flowing with life, going with the flow  
 
One of the main ‘characteristics’ of the enlightened beings is to flow with life, to flow with existence. There is a deep trust and understanding that the universe manifests whatever needs to be manifested. This probably sounds more spiritual or religious then most of what I’ve written but it is of course what we make of it. If we start calling it God or miracles we risk to be soon back to square one, to beliefs and illusion rather than understanding and knowing. The awakened ones totally trust the universe because they understand its laws. They can understand that someone dying could be ‘right’ just like gravity pulling something down is just following the laws of the universe. In religious terms this way of being could be described as ‘Thy will be done’. It means that instead of letting the ego with all its likes and dislikes, with all its ideas and beliefs and with all its morality, lead in our lives we start looking for patterns and signs and let life lead us.

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Breaking free from bondage?
 
Enlightenment, awakening, liberation is all about freeing yourself from bondage, the bondage of the ego, of beliefs of emotional investments of everything inside ourselves that makes us not free.   I had a dream this night which could be significant in this regard. Dreams can always be explained in different ways but this was one that seemed remarkably clear. I was led into a prison cell which had been mine. It was very small, just a single bed with a meter beside it. And in my dream I realized this is where I had lived. Then I was led out of the cell and out of the prison. While I waved to my fellow prisoners, who now stayed behind, I cried.  
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Awakening: Caught halfway  
 
Reading about awakening, and more even, the awakening process I realise I am somewhere caught halfway. The process is when your cosy little world with all its beliefs, comforts and tranquilizers falls apart. Something like that happened when my last relationship ended but it still was more typical psychological crisis or depression with emotional wounds like my fear of abandonment triggered than a true awakening. That process has started later with workshops, courses, reading and meditation that showed me that what I always thought I was is not what I am.
 
And even more: that what I thought life is is not what it is. Life used to be a nicely ordered thing where high on top of the ‘important list’ was ‘work’.
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