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Welcome to Jeroensjourney 2!
Dear reader, Beste lezer,
 
Welcome to the weblog that follows on jeroensjourney.punt.nl. Here I will update you on my experiences in Thailand and India, and my personal inner or spiritual journey. After my healing journey described on jeroensjourney.punt.nl (with also information about Buddhism, meditation, Taoism and other healing practices), this weblog, from early 2007, relates about further healing and spiritual growth for an increasingly happy and true life.
 
With love from Asia,
 
Jeroen Deva Geetesh (jeroensjourney@gmail.com)
(I check this e-mail not very often, so let me know, on my blog, that you sent me an e-mail)
 
P.S.:
Je reactie is van harte welkom!     
Reactions are very welcome!
Growing up, breaking free
Growing up, breaking free, born again 
 
Dear reader, 
 
Of course I have been reading Jed McKenna’s book wondering where I am on the spiritual path and whether I am truly on a path of awakening, rather than a spiritual keeping the status quo stroll. Was my emotional and psychological breakdown of 5 years ago comparable with Lisa’s (a person in Jed’s book) and am I firmly underway to Human Adulthood? The last part I read in Jed’s book shows me that at least to some extent, the latter is true, that I am not selling you some pretty spiritual bullshit to decorate my ego but am actually truly involved in peeling of the many layers of ego and illusion.
 
Let’s look into this in more detail. It is about growing up, about breaking free from the bondage of parental beliefs and conditioning. About living your own authentic life instead of following the programming your parents put into your head.

 
Let’s first read what Lisa says about her ex-husband, Dennis who is the prototype of a Human Child caught in the web we all find ourselves in before we start looking for truth.  
 
“Dennis was a dentist. He secretly hated being a dentist but he became a dentist because that was what his father was. He was so desperate to please his parents. He suffered from depression and alcoholism, though outward appearances he seemed happy and successful. Projecting that happy and successful image, especially to his parents, was the driving motivation of his life. He has a morbid fixation on pleasing his parents so they’ll be proud of him, but they’re never pleased. Nothing is good enough.”  
 
This is the reality at least 99% of the world lives in today. If you haven’t gone through some serious soul searching yourself, this is where you find yourself, even if you are convinced you are a grown-up who independently chose his life path, just like I did. Unawareness is unawareness for a reason. You might, like me, not have chosen the same profession, have you really consciously chosen your path when it comes to career, marriage, children, your living situation, the city and country you live in, your political preference, etc., etc. Can you truly say that you carry no unexamined beliefs that you received from your parents? If you’ve looked deeply inside you know that the answer is ‘no’, if you haven’t looked deeply inside the answer is irrelevant because you do not know.    
 
Just an example: I did not become a teacher like my parents, but I did go to university and did what they most wanted: to become a well-educated professional. An engineer even. Lucky me. But there have been moments I wondered if I would not have been happier as a carpenter. I always loved working with wood, but someone who is so good at school of course does go to university. At 18 that belief of my parents, that being as highly educated as possible, is essential in life, was of course also mine.  
Breaking free from your parents and evicting the parents within you from your mind is a tough task. Only if you have done it you know you have done it, and even then you’re probably not done yet.
 
Let’s hear a bit more what Jed says about the issue:  
 
“If our basic understanding of life is similar in the broad outlines to that of our parents, then we have not yet begun our own journey. We are the children of children, who are children of children, who are children of children, and so on. Anyone who wants to do anything in life, to become a person in their own right, must begin by killing their parents (metaphorically!). When we killing our parents, what we are really doing is sloughing off the inmost layer of false context in which we are encaged and by which we are defined.”  
 
If I would mention some of the defining transformative moments in my spiritual journey of the past five years I have to say that, killing the voices of my parents inside me in Primal Therapy, has been very significant. It is only until we delve deep in our unconscious and get access to all the repressed memories of how we felt when we were little children at home, that we start to really see the incredible impact our parents have in our lives and how liberating it is to break free from that. Step by step, layer by layer. This is not just for those abused or whatever, it is for all of us to really grow up. It is also not to blame our parents for what they, in their unconsciousness, did. It is about seeing that the parents of your childhood are still running the show in your life in everything you think you have to do or have to be.  I can write a lot about this, but unless you go through such a healing, purging, awakening process yourself it is useless theory. After it you’ll be as amazed to look back on all you accepted without question on how you have compromised your individuality and your life and, in most cases, suppressed your life force. These processes are really a rebirth, you'll be born again.
But, that of course is exactly why most people never go through such a process: Who wants to wake up from the dream of the lovely childhood and the illusion that we are grown-ups who choose our own life path?
 
Yes, it was a shock for me to see truth in the eyes and wondering what I have done with my life. But, I’d immediately add that, it has brought so much. Every step on the path of liberation of all our mental and emotional baggage is so beautiful, so meaningful, that nothing compares, even though following the crowds (and your parents) is often so much easier….
 
Let me put a few more of the quotes of Jed McKenna:
 
“The unexamined life, said Socrates, is not worth living. If we take it to mean the stagnated, entrenched life, is not worth living, then we are saying that most people’s lives aren’t worth the bother, which is pretty much how Human Childhood (the ‘normal’ human state) looks from the perspective of Human Adulthood (when we break free from the bondage and conditionings and beliefs of parents and society).”  
 
“Who lives a conscious, examined life? Everyone probably thinks they do, but virtually no one actually does. Who decides to spend the hours and weeks and months and years of their life as they do? Where are the people living examined lives? Where are the people who made a choice? Not just secondary choices made within an unchosen framework (JDG: religion, work, career, kids, house, etc.), but the principle choices, the choices of the framework itself. Where are the people who chose their lives? Who chooses marriage and career? Who chooses to join the ranks of debt-ridden consumers and spend the fruits of their lifelong labors as a slave to possessions and corporations? Who chooses to spend their free time running errands and doing chores and watching television? Who chooses to eat toxic foods, to live in toxic environments surrounded by toxic people? Who chooses to live a pre-programmed life from birth to death?”
 
“That is what it means to be unconscious. We slip into the lives that are laid out for us the way children slip into their clothes their mother lays out for them in the morning. We never questioned or doubted, never stood up, never drew a line.”
 
“Until we kill our parents (metaphorically) we remain unborn.”  
 
It seems mind-boggling that our frameworks are so strong that we never question it until we are lucky enough to get the kind of personal crisis Lisa had and I had. Where suddenly we start wondering: “Is this all? Is this what life is supposed to be? Is life really an endless to do list until we die? Is the programme of school-work-marriage-kids-pension-bye really all there is to life? Of course it is beautified with weekends and holidays and alcohol and psychotherapy, oil to keep the machine running; to give us the impression that we get a good deal that we are not prisoners but conscious beings that chose this life. I thought that too. But I now know it is not. Life can be infinitely larger than that. But still, the framework is all around me. I can see it. I can see where I am still caught in it and in my own psycho-emotional bondage which makes me do things I do not want to do and not do things I want to do.  
 
It seems, and McKenna writes about it, easy to fall back. My freelance life where I choose myself when to work and when not is not as easy as the automatic Monday to Friday programme of dragging myself to the office. A life of uncertain income and uncertainty about work is not as easy as the life of a monthly pay-check. A life with plenty of time to ponder over things and think about what I’d like to do is in many ways a lot harder than a life of being lived by the clock. A life where there is no time to stop and think about life. I know all that. And at the same time, the only thing I am really afraid of is to fall back into the straightjacket of society. To be again a normal, decent citizen who does what he is expected to do. I can see it is possible to fall back but also that it is not possible to close my eyes again. I now know what is possible. If I’d live the life I lived for 15 years of working life again it wouldn’t be the same as it was then. But sometimes, at home working or struggling against work, it seems like the past is back again. Like I am that kid making homework and wanting to go windsurfing.  
 
No, I have to be honest. I am not there yet. I haven’t make a total and clean break with the past and all my conditionings of ‘working hard’ and ‘responsibility’ and ‘building something up’ (what then??). So I thank Osho and Jed McKenna and all the other masters for hitting on my head, for waking me up every time I fall asleep again. Jed, you are right, the only word that really matters at every stage of the path is “further”. Stagnation can happen at any point. Getting to comfortable with wherever I am. Further, further, further, further……..
 
In deep gratitude to my primal therapists, to those who created Path of Love, to Hellinger for his family constellations and of course to Osho and Jed McKenna, the disturbers of my sleep,  
 
Jeroen Deva Geetesh
 
P.S.: Of course this all does not mean that working for a boss, or getting married, or having kids or anything like that is 'bad'. There are enlightened beings having or doing just that. But in their case it is their conscious decision the one that fits best to them considering all the options and only for the time it fits. That again is not where 99% of humanity is.

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