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Welcome to Jeroensjourney 2!
Dear reader, Beste lezer,
 
Welcome to the weblog that follows on jeroensjourney.punt.nl. Here I will update you on my experiences in Thailand and India, and my personal inner or spiritual journey. After my healing journey described on jeroensjourney.punt.nl (with also information about Buddhism, meditation, Taoism and other healing practices), this weblog, from early 2007, relates about further healing and spiritual growth for an increasingly happy and true life.
 
With love from Asia,
 
Jeroen Deva Geetesh (jeroensjourney@gmail.com)
(I check this e-mail not very often, so let me know, on my blog, that you sent me an e-mail)
 
P.S.:
Je reactie is van harte welkom!     
Reactions are very welcome!
Awakened life (2) after Dolano Intensive
Awakened life after Dolano Intensive Satsang - part 2
 
Back in Holland, now and a year ago

For me it is also interesting to look back at April 2010 and compare it with April 2011. In both cases I came back from 4 months in Asia (mainly India) after having done groups, retreats or, this time, satsang. Last year, and I wrote about that too, it was a big shock to come back to Holland as the whole dream Sannyasin life of groups, meditation, celebration and transformation made room for the ordinary Dutch reality of work and a ‘normal’ life. I then felt that the Dutch conditionings, mainly those related with (hard) work, jumped on my back and many other thoughts and ideas made that I quickly felt rather miserable. All I wanted really, was to leave the country.

Now things are totally different. 
The Sannyasin life dropped. Not that I will never go back to Pune and have fun in the Osho ashram. I most likely, at some stage, will. But it is no more that fantastic place and life compared to which the ‘normal life’ in Holland looked pretty bland. That beautiful illusion, however real and true it felt then, has dropped too. So where last year I felt like not being in the right place, now being back at home in Holland is perfectly fine. To quote the masters ‘I have come home’, so being at home in my apartment in Holland is perfectly fine. I feel there is no need to go anywhere and that, to be honest, feels as a relieve because in the past five years my time in The Netherlands had always only be a preparation to leave again for Asia. The full realization that I do not need to be in any ‘amazing’ place to be at ease or happy, is a blessing.

Actually, even the beautiful image I had created about Thailand, as this peaceful, friendly Buddhist country has also been replaced by a more realistic picture of a country with indeed a nice climate, many kind people and cheap massages, but also a religious and superstitious country with worshippers rather than mediators and a lot of (underground) violence, ignorance and hypocrisy.  It is all there, I just never wanted to see it.

Osho always talked about choicelessness. Maybe it is that seeing things for what they really are, almost automatically leads to a kind of choicelessness. After all the black and white picture where one place is paradise and the other is hell, has been replaced by a more realistic grayscale picture where there is some hell and some heaven everywhere. It just depends where you put your attention.

So the great thing is that all this has really set me free. After 5 years of long travels (between 4 and 7 months per year) to Asia, this is not automatic anymore. I will still go on holiday and maybe even go back to Dolano to help or repeat, but this big need and desire to leave is gone. Maybe for the first time in 9 years I am going to experience what winter in Holland is like.


Timeless life

Another thing which is very strange is the lack of continuity. Somehow, in our lives, we feel that there is some kind of continuity. Some kind of ‘development’ or ‘progress’, which gives us the feeling of continuity.
This now is gone. What I experience is that every day is totally new. Not only are there different feelings or is there a different outlook on life every day, something I experienced before Dolano as well, but the way I experience it now, is that there is no time. Nothing of how I see or experience life today seems to have anything to do with yesterday. How often did I hear Osho or Eckahrt Tolle or other masters say: “There is only now.”  And, as a meditator, I understood exactly what they meant. Or at least, so I thought.
But since I am back home after Dolano, I can really say that for the first time this is really my experience.  There is only now and today has nothing to do with tomorrow or yesterday. Or even ‘now’ in the afternoon has nothing to do with this morning. I sometimes forget what I did earlier the same day or think that it happened yesterday.

It is only now that I fully realise how our minds create a kind of continuity. How also my mind created time by thinking in terms of dates, progress, development…. But this time, this continuity, in reality does not exist. It is just a story that we tell ourselves to create the illusion of continuity and time.

The nice part of it of course is that my capacity to worry about the future has become a lot less. When today does not seem to have anything to do with yesterday, of course what I think today about tomorrow is totally irrelevant as well. I did understand that before, but know it is no more an understanding from the mind but a knowing from my own experience. It is simply my reality. The idea of tomorrow, like that of yesterday, has almost dropped off completely, without ‘me’ doing anything for it.
During the day I still experience some continuity and sensation of time, but also much less than before. Many times during the day it feels like I am starting ‘fresh’ and I need a watch to remind myself what part of the day it is.

This timelessness, if anything is maybe one of the weirdest and newest experiences after Dolano. Something that still surprises me many times a day and sometimes does lead to a feeling of disorientation. But that of course is just the mind coming in trying to “think” something about it….

To be continued....

Reacties

G op 10-10-2013 12:13

Hey man, sent you an email about dolano

G op 10-10-2013 12:15

Hey man check your email i sent one about intensive satsang 

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