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Welcome to Jeroensjourney 2!
Dear reader, Beste lezer,
 
Welcome to the weblog that follows on jeroensjourney.punt.nl. Here I will update you on my experiences in Thailand and India, and my personal inner or spiritual journey. After my healing journey described on jeroensjourney.punt.nl (with also information about Buddhism, meditation, Taoism and other healing practices), this weblog, from early 2007, relates about further healing and spiritual growth for an increasingly happy and true life.
 
With love from Asia,
 
Jeroen Deva Geetesh (jeroensjourney@gmail.com)
(I check this e-mail not very often, so let me know, on my blog, that you sent me an e-mail)
 
P.S.:
Je reactie is van harte welkom!     
Reactions are very welcome!
2011: The Ultimate Shift
My year 2011: The Ultimate Shift

A new year, for me, always is a moment to look back and reflect on the previous year. While any of the previous 7 years have been exciting and dynamic with a love relationship ending, a new one starting, moving to another country, personal crisis and spiritual growth, world-wide travel for many months a year and much more, 2011 has been a milestone year like no other.


The last Osho group

The year started, as did the years before, in India. In the International Osho Meditation Resort in Pune, to be more precise. On the first of January 2011, I started a week of silent sitting (meditation) as the last week of a process called Osho Mystic Rose. The previous weeks were weeks of laughing and crying in this emotional cleansing process that Osho called a “meditative therapy”. In the week before, the last week of 2010 and the “crying stage” of the process, something remarkable had happened: On most of the 7 days of crying I could not easily get contact with sadness and my tears. I dug into all the sad “poor me” stories I could think of but almost nothing worked. Sometimes other participants in the process triggered my crying but that almost never lasted long.

What I witnessed, this was a meditative process, was that most tears and sadness came with a story. And never before was it so clear for me that this was not me, it was just a story. Think about it and the tears come, forget about it, and the tears go.

The silent sitting week, was just as remarkable. Since 2006 I have been an avid meditator, and before the Mystic Rose started I really looked forward to the last week of silent meditation. Just observing thoughts and feelings and nothing else, slowly going deeper and deeper into a state of no-mind. But to my own surprise I got kind of bored with the meditation. There were times that I just saw thoughts coming and wondered what was the point observing them dispassionately in the hope that new thoughts would less and less bother me. Just as the emotions in the second week did not seem a big deal anymore, the same seemed true for my thoughts in the last week of the Mystic Rose. While expressing “suppressed” emotions had been a beautiful practice in years of therapeutic work and observing thoughts had been my main practice in just as many years of meditation, suddenly the question arose: “What is the point of all this? Why am I doing this?” This was really really weird…


The end of the path with Dolano

What my experience in the Mystic Rose confirmed was that I had, as the enlightened Zen Master Dolano calls it, reached the end of the path. The spiritual path of groups, emotional work, therapies and meditations was coming to an end.
This was actually great news, because during most of 2010, I was contemplating doing what Dolano calls: The last satsang. Her Intensive Satsang is a process of a month in which, as she calls it, she throws you of the cliff and with that ends the spiritual path. Whoever is ready for it is invited by her to do the process. In the beginning of 2010, I had my doubts as I enjoyed the groups and other activities on the spiritual path. Actually, the spiritual path was my life, the utmost priority in my life and I could not imagine ending it. But neither did the shocking idea of The Last Satsang let go of me.

My experience in the Mystic Rose ended my last doubts and with my girlfriend, who had experienced a similar “dissociation” from her story in another process in the Osho ashram, enrolled in the Intensive Satsang.
I don’t want to say much about the experience, apart from the fact that, it indeed is the end of the path and leads to awakening (which is not the same as enlightenment), for whoever is ready for it. I wrote previous weblogs (and Facebook notes) about it.

All I want to say now is that this process has changed my life beyond my wildest dreams. The end of the dream world into awakening, as the masters call it, is unimaginable from the dream state, but changes everything. In short, to try to describe the indescribable, your perspective changes 180 degrees. Before there was a “me” that wanted certain things and needed certain things to be happy and strived for that to become happier. Now, I know, that me was an illusion and ‘life itself’, some call it ‘universal consciousness’ or ‘awareness’ is the essence of all and all the activities and content of life, including the body, is just a play observed from that place of pure and still consciousness.

Good, this might not make much sense to you, and it cannot really before you see life from that perspective yourself, but the nice thing of it is that with it all “ego” or “personality” related issues and problems, such as worry about the future, have largely disappeared. Dolano calls it “knowing what counts”. And, if you know what counts, which she calls “who am I”, that is dominant and everything else becomes secondary. So all the doing, achieving, happening in my life now is secondary to life itself, to this underlying peace and silence that is who I am. Mindblowing and very relaxing. Now nothing needs to happen anymore to make myself happy and at ease since with Dolano I discovered that happy and at ease is my nature.


Back in Holland post Dolano

After a few more months of travel in Thailand I came back home to The Netherlands. Since 2006, “home” in the Netherlands never really felt like home. It was more a stopover between long stays in Asia for meditation, spiritual growth processes, travel and a little work and shorter travels to Latin America for work. But this time, in April 2011, I came back to the Netherlands without having to leave. I no longer needed the Osho Meditation Resort because the path had ended and the reasons I did not like to be in the Netherlands, such as the weather or missing India or Thailand, were no longer valid. After Dolano, life was just life and even the idea that anything should be different from the way it was, did no longer occur to me.

Yes, soon work projects ended and my financial situation deteriorated. 2011 had landed me in a situation of financial indebtedness, and what most people call ‘unemployment’. But I just felt (and feel) happy and at ease. Enjoying life whatever I did or did not do and being able to see the humour of the situation and of everything else in life. Still, while I am writing this, I have no idea what is going to happen and how I am getting back to finding projects or a job in what appears to be a terrible job market in my field of expertise here in Holland. But strange enough I am unable to really worry about it.  Yes, there are short moments that I do worry, but they pass before I know it. The strange reality is that now I know what counts. And work and money have nothing to do with it.


Birth of Ilse

Dolano had taken away all kinds of things. Not just the illusion of “me” or “ego” or “self” and all the suffering that comes with that, but also my life as a spiritual seeker, my ambition to become a therapist, spiritual teacher or anything like that and my need to travel.

But where one thing ends, something else starts. Over the past years, my girlfriend and I discussed the idea of getting a child. She was more certain about it than me. For me the life of travelling 4 to 7 months a year to Asia doing groups and retreats and having the spiritual path as the one and only priority in my life, getting a child seemed like a crazy thing to do. How to do groups and spent many months in the Osho ashram in Pune when you have to take care of a baby? But at the same time the idea of having a child sounded nice. Just the practical consequences seemed too much. I loved my lifestyle and could not imagine it change.
But that changed with the Intensive Satsang. Not only did the path end, but also getting a child did not look as big an issue anymore. It helped that I asked Dolano about it who, from the enlightened view made it clear that it was not such a big deal. When I asked her about it, I could not really hear what she said yet. But, now I understand.
Knowing what counts, even getting a child, really, is not such a big deal. Of course, in practical terms it means a big change, but nothing compared to the ‘shift of consciousness’ that took place in India with Dolano.


Having a baby

So how is it now, or was it in the last weeks of the year, to have a baby? Actually, it is fun. Of course it means waking up in the middle of the night to feed her and it takes time and attention during the day. But she is so cute, sleeps well and doesn’t cry. And the fact that I have no job is a blessing. We just get up later to make up for the hours lost in the night during the feeds. After so many years of doubting whether or not to get a child, it is amazing to experience that it is not difficult or tough in anyway, just a lot of fun.
But I also realise that without Dolano and with a busy job, things might well have been very different. Things just worked out perfect the way they did….


The end of a lifestyle

In practical terms 2011 is the year of transition from a lifestyle of travelling and doing groups and retreats to a more ‘normal’ life with a family in Holland. From the outside it might well look as a step back from a very exciting, adventurous life, to a more average, boring life. But that is the outside. Because on ‘the inside’, that exciting lifestyle was also a lifestyle of searching and suffering. Underneath all the fun was the anxiety that fuelled my search. There was the feeling that ‘something was not okay’ or that ‘something will go wrong’. All that has gone. Now there is being at ease with what is. Nothing needs to change, nothing feels not okay and there is no more this subtle but permanent underlying fear that ‘something will go wrong’ even though many people would say that for me ‘something is wrong’ After all I don’t have a job at the moment…

So I am blessed and grateful that I experienced what the sages call ‘coming home’. Something I never ever thought was going to be possible in this life.
Osho once described it nicely, ‘once you are found all anxieties and tensions disappear’. It is like that - even meditation has dropped because whatever I looked for in meditation is now my permanent reality -  and it is indeed very very nice.

I wish you all a lovely 2012!

Jeroen Deva Geetesh
 

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